


Enough

by WordsAblaze



Series: Jaskier Whump Week [4]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Crying Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Jaskier | Dandelion, Insecurity, Jaskier Whump Week (The Witcher), Jaskier | Dandelion Has Feelings, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, M/M, Mages, Protective Eskel (The Witcher), Soft Eskel (The Witcher), Sorry Not Sorry, You're Welcome, bandits, eskel gives it to him, eskel is jaskier's knight in red armour, jaskel, jaskier deserves better than this author, no beta we die like jaskier doesn't, okay sorry enough tags, we continue hurting the nice ones sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsAblaze/pseuds/WordsAblaze
Summary: Jaskier parades in vanity but at the end of day, doesn't exactly believe in himself. Or, three times Eskel has to convince him he's worth more than he thinks - day six of jaskier whump week
Relationships: Eskel/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Jaskier Whump Week [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1847824
Comments: 8
Kudos: 139





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> i tried to write for prompt 'hatred' first but it just. didn't work out. twice. so here's 'insecurities' instead and although it's far from perfect, i hope you like it anyway x

Jaskier has never been quiet enough.

He was told to stop talking almost as soon as he’d learnt to do so because he did nothing half-heartedly and the sentences that spilled from his mouth were far from noble ideas of peace.

His siblings had little interest in his words when they realised his stories only distracted them from their parents' rewards and the others around the manor only indulged him when they were sure they wouldn’t be dismissed for it.

But this only caused him to grow up even louder, trying to prove himself as worthy of their time, trying to convince the world that he was worth something.

It never worked.

And so he ran away and turned his hushed desires into bold ballads and unprecedented pieces of music. 

He was met with an equal amount of encouragement and disapproval from others, sometimes both at the same time in cases like Valdo Marx. He didn’t pay it much attention, simply taking people’s advice and twisting it just enough to suit his intentions. 

But there were always moments when he doubted his voice, doubted whether it was truly worth sharing with the world.

Sometimes, it was when patrons threw food at him for singing the wrong kinds of tunes and sometimes it was when people wished he would stop describing their eyes in favour of kissing them. But sometimes it was when he put others in danger. 

“You should really stop talking now,” Eskel had said when they’d arrived.

But he’d only laughed and said he was sure they’d hear anything coming far before it killed them, continuing to compose about the contract they were still in the middle of.

“So, what do you think? The sting of steel or the bite of steel?” Jaskier asks, looking up at Eskel.

Eskel shrugs, his eyes on the caves up ahead. “Both are fine.”

Jaskier sighs. “Yes, thank you, darling. That’s very helpful, I should just tell you all my-”

He’s cut off as something slams into them from the left. 

“Jaskier!” he hears Eskel yell as a heavy weight settles above him.

He wants to reply but all he can hear is Eskel cursing and he can’t help but think he’s the one to blame and if anything happens to them, he’s at fault for distracting them with his stupid questions. 

And he can’t even think. He barely manages to heave himself out from under whatever it is that’d attacked him, rolling behind a tree as he catches his breath and tries to work out where the pain is coming from. 

Gods, he’s such a nuisance, he thinks as he listens to Eskel fight. 

He’s a nuisance and he’s never going to stop being a nuisance and why does he even bother opening his mouth anymore? 

“Are you hurt?” Eskel asks. 

Jaskier blinks his eyes open, not having noticed them slip shut, and gasps as he sees the sheer amount of blood coating his witcher. Eskel must sense his distress because he offers Jaskier a small smile. “It’s not my blood, I’m okay.” 

Jaskier feels his face crumple even as he shakes his head, pulling away from Eskel. But Eskel doesn’t give up, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Jaskier, what is it? Are you injured?”

And doesn’t Jaskier just feel absolutely awful upon hearing that because Eskel is the one who’d had to fight a pair of werewolves without his potions and it’s all because he didn’t know when to shut up.

“Jas? Talk to me, what is it?”

Why would Eskel want him to talk when his talking had caused such a mess?

“Because I like hearing you talk,” Eskel answers softly, revealing that Jaskier had apparently voiced his question without realising. 

“No, I didn’t listen-” Jaskier starts.

Eskel hushes him, pulling his hands away from his face. “And I didn’t want you to, not really. Not when we had to decide that ‘sting of steel’ sounds better.”

Jaskier can’t help but smile. 

“Are you sure?” he asks, and they both know he’s talking about more than the lyric.

Eskel nods wordlessly and so Jaskier does the same, squeezing Eskel’s hands between his own to convey his gratitude, the gratitude that never seems to end and flows through him just as readily as his music or his blood.

Being truly heard is perhaps the best thing he’s ever been and he has only his witcher to thank for that.

-///-

Jaskier has never been strong enough. 

He was always the one to be hidden away in the library whilst the others trained with swords and he was always the one that would end up at a healer’s doorstep when he did participate in training.

And sure, he could fight well enough to get out of trouble most of the time, but he would rarely emerge unscathed.  He learned a lot over the years and did in fact end up stabbing countless people, much to their shock, but he specialised in either starting fights or getting away from them, never in finishing them properly. 

Which is why he ends up on the wrong side of a fight with the bandits that quite literally spring from the tree - they’d obviously waited until Eskel had left camp to strike because Jaskier is alone for approximately two minutes before there’s a sword pointed at his chin.

“Excuse you,” Jaskier mutters, springing to his feet.

The woman in front of him grins. “Hand us your coin, bard.”

Jaskier winces at the way she makes it sound as if he’s nothing more than dirt, as if he hasn’t influenced dozens of towns into changing their views on the world. “I think I’d rather keep ahold of it, if you don’t mind.”

“We do,” someone says behind him, as the tip of another sword digs into his back. 

He stops moving immediately, glancing around to see two others to his left, approaching Scorpion. “Hey, don’t touch her!” Jaskier yells, his feet moving on instinct. 

Unfortunately, the man behind him takes that as a personal insult and Jaskier narrowly avoids losing an ear. He drops to the ground and rolls, unsheathing his own dagger and slashing at the man’s legs before he has time to attack again.

The man hisses, dropping to the floor, and Jaskier wastes no time in smashing the pommel of the dagger on his head, effectively knocking him out. 

But it’s not enough and the woman he’d seen first manages to kick him badly enough to wind him. He gasps as he lands on his back, reaching for his dagger only for her to step on his wrist, twisting her foot as she does.

He lets out a choked scream, pulling out her leg from under her with his other hand. But he doesn’t do it right and she ends up falling onto him, her sword digging into his side.  “You’re pathetic,” she hisses at him, her hands settling around his neck.

Jaskier agrees with her but he still thrashes. All in vain, of course, because he can’t find any air by the time she lets go so all he can do is wheeze and watch as the three of them leave with his and Eskel’s coin and belongings, dragging their fourth unconscious friend with them.

He hears Eskel curse just before he feels someone guiding him upright. 

And he doesn’t even care about his dull pains because he’d failed in protecting their belongings and he wasn’t strong enough and he’s nothing but a burden on anyone he travels with. 

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier whispers, “I couldn’t stop them, I’m so sorry.” 

But Eskel just pushes his hair back and smiles. “You’re alive, Jas. That’s all that matters.”

Jaskier shakes his head. “No, no, I failed. I wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t-”

“Hush, bardling. You were more than enough. Both you and Scorpion are unharmed and that’s more than enough, okay?” Eskel soothes.

When Jaskier simply shakes his head, Eskel smiles at him. “Jaskier. You don’t need to be strong enough to stop four bandits on your own. It’s okay.”

And although everything in Jaskier screams for him not to agree with Eskel’s words, he finds himself nodding and letting his injuries be tended to because it feels nice to be worthy of someone’s time without having to prove himself. 

-///-

Jaskier has never been wise enough.

He was eventually brilliant at memorising family trees and lines of poetry but wisdom never seemed to bloom particularly well in his garden, so to speak. 

Which is why he’s spent so much of his life running from people’s beds and having bread thrown at him. But it’s also the reason he’s sometimes the last person to realise that something is wrong, that he’s walked right into a mess far bigger than just him.

“Yes, you’ll do just fine,” the mess he’s walked to this time, also known as a bizarre mage, says to him, a smile on her face.

Jaskier just glares up at her, unable to say anything around the gag in his mouth. He doesn’t even know where he is - he’s sat leaning against a pole of some sort, rope tying his hands together behind it. 

“You’ll replace him just fine,” she continues, walking towards a desk, bringing a book back over and sitting in front of him, “because you’re a fool.”

Jaskier flinches, mumbling that he’s not a fool and hoping she understands his muffled message.

She blinks at him as if having forgotten he’s there but smiles, patting his knee as if he were a small child. “All I had to do was pretend I wanted to hear you sing and here you are. Isn’t that foolish?” 

He can’t argue with her there because she’s right. He had been a fool to leave Eskel and trade their time together for what seems like a nonsensical demise but he doesn’t want her to know that he agrees.

“Oh, little bard, I already know you agree. You’re so worried about everything, aren’t you?” she asks.

He glowers at her, mentally cursing and hoping she feels the venom in his words. Which she must because she winces and pats his knee again. “No worries, we’ll have you remade within the night.”

Jaskier’s eyes widen and for the first time - he really should have tried something before but apparently he’s still just as stupid - he struggles, pulling against the rope, almost sobbing when the rope scratches against his wrists but doesn’t budge. 

“Wouldn’t you rather be powerful? With me? Rather than nothing but a few songs…” she trails off as she finds the page she’d been looking for, grinning at him in a way that practically screams trouble.

Just as he starts screaming.

Because she starts chanting and his skin starts to burn. 

He bites into the leather between his teeth and clenches his hands into fists but the burning continues, increases, reaches the point where he can’t feel any of his limbs. He tries to beg her to stop but he just can’t stop screaming and he can almost feel his bones moving as the world darkens around him.

“It’s not working! You useless bard!” she yells, her voice somehow reaching his ears. 

Turns out he’s just as useless as some kind of magical replacement as he is as a bard. Jaskier gasps and tries to breathe, willing his lungs to stop being so foolish. 

He finds himself internally throwing apologies at the mage, not sure what he’s apologising for but knowing he’s failed her one way or the other. The same way he fails everyone he meets, the same way he keeps failing Eskel over and over again.

“This will work!” she screams over the sound of his muffled cries, and he can barely hear her as he curls over, squeezing his eyes shut, bringing his knees up and pressing his forehead onto them.

He hates her plan but he hates himself more because he’s an idiot and he’d let this happen and all he had to do was listen to Eskel but no, he just had to play into her hands and now he’s going to die, he’s going to burn up and he’s not even going to help her in the process and he’s just a fool, nothing more than a fool.

“Not again, bardling.”

Jaskier groans as he recognises Eskel’s voice, not sure if he’s simply hallucinating or wishfully thinking. Either way, he can’t be real because Jaskier wasn’t wise enough to stay with him.

But then he hears Eskel curse at the mage, followed by the distinct sound of a head falling onto the floor.

And then the burning fizzles out.

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier tries to say, making an indecipherable noise instead.

Eskel’s touch is gentle as he cuts away the rope securing Jaskier, neither of them yet acknowledging the shallow wounds around his wrists in favour of Eskel gently peeling away the gag. 

Jaskier gasps as soon as he does, coughing, unceremoniously inhaling air and letting his limbs relax. But he can’t relax, not really, because he’s such a waste of time and this is just another example of how foolish he is and-

“Jaskier, please stop thinking so loudly. She was wrong, you know she was,” Eskel tells him.

“I ruined your evening,” Jaskier mumbles, his voice oddly hoarse.

Eskel shakes his head. “The night is still young.”

“Maybe I would have been better off as-”

“No.” Eskel’s voice is firm as he interrupts, his hand cupping the sides of Jaskier’s face as he forces their gazes to meet, allowing Jaskier to see the honesty in his eyes. “You’d be wise not to finish that thought.”

But Jaskier has never been good at being wise so he opens his mouth to argue, only for Eskel to softly press his thumb against his lips. “That wasn’t a challenge,” he says, almost smiling.

Despite everything, Jaskier finds himself laughing. It hurts but it's still nice enough to quieten the fire that’d been under his skin so he just allows Eskel to pull him up as if he were a bride.

“Trust me, Jaskier,” Eskel murmurs.

And because it seems foolish not to, Jaskier does. 

**Author's Note:**

> i know these snippets of their life are kinda repetitive and not very reflective of their whole dynamic but we're meant to hurt jaskier and idk how to incorporate anything else very well so my apologies <3  
> (i only got like 4 hrs sleep so pls excuse typos and such)
> 
> thanks for reading! toss a kudos/comment? x


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